


terebi keshite watashi no koto dake o mite ite yo

by Chash



Series: Holiday Fills 2018 [15]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16982508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Bellamy is (obviously) happy that he and Clarke are dating and (also obviously) happy that Clarke's foster-mother application finally went through and she finally got a kid. He just kind of wishes there had been more of a gap between those two things. It's a lot of change to deal with, all at once. But he's going to nail it.Or at least he's going to try.





	terebi keshite watashi no koto dake o mite ite yo

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for [nfinitegladness](http://nfinitegladness.tumblr.com/). Title is from Utada Hikaru's "Hikari" (the Japanese version of the first Kingdom Hearts opening) and means "turn off the TV and only look at me."

Overall, Bellamy thinks the timing on two of the best developments of his life could have gone better.

The first best development is that he and Clarke are finally both single at the same time and manage to have a conversation about feelings that ends in the two of them agreeing to give the dating thing a try, which is honestly a miracle in and of itself. They're going slow, trying not to screw anything up, and it's going really well when the next best development hits, which is Madi.

Clarke had been on the wait-list for a foster kid for a while, and their entire friend group had been anxious for the assignment to finally come through. Most of them are only children who long to be cool aunts or uncles, so Clarke getting a kid is basically the perfect scenario for them. Bellamy had been excited too, of course, despite having an actual sister who had an actual child, but the combination of "new relationship" and "new child" makes things awkward.

"I just don't really know how to introduce her to you," Clarke says. "Like--I don't know, it feels more serious than her meeting Raven or Wells. And I don't want her to get invested in us as a couple or us as her parents if it's not going to last."

"Yeah, that makes sense." He kisses her hair, settles in a little closer. They spent the whole day setting up the apartment for Madi, cleaning and moving furniture, and he's sad he won't be around to help her settle in, but he can't actually object. "My mom introduced me to a lot of boyfriends, she might have a history with that too. We should take it slow."

"We were already taking it slow," she says, sounding mostly amused. "You know I'm really excited about dating you, right? It's not--"

He laughs. "I know, don't worry. If you wanted to break up with me, you'd break up with me."

"I would. I just wish we had a little more time to settle into this before Madi came along."

"When it rains it pours. I don't mind taking a back seat for a while."

"I don't think it's going to be long. She's ten, I'm hoping that's old enough where we can have a decent discussion about who you are and how you fit in. And even if we break up, I assume you're still going to be a part of her life."

"Of course," he says. Half the point of being as careful as they're being with the progression of their relationship as they are is to try to make sure the friendship survives. There's no guarantee, but--he can't imagine his life without Clarke in it. They'll make it work. "If I'm not the cool father figure, I want to at least be a cool uncle."

"You're not that cool," she teases, all warmth. "Sorry. You're going to have to settle for dorky guy who talks too much about Latin and history."

"I can definitely get a better vibe than that going," he says, and she just smiles and kisses him and clearly does not believe him at all.

Which he can't blame her for, really. Her knowledge of him as a parental figure comes from Octavia, whom he did name after a historical figure from Rome. There's precedent at work, but he doesn't _have_ to be like that. He could, in theory, come up with a different gimmick, some other way to relate to Madi. It doesn't have to be all fun facts about word origins and Roman emperors. 

The nice thing about being the last one to meet Madi is that he gets to hear about her from everyone else first, like he's prepping for a very weird kind of test.

"She's cute," Murphy says, with a shrug. "I don't know, she's a kid, what do you want from me? Clarke says I can't tell her to start fires, which seems like a weirdly specific thing to worry about, so maybe she has a history."

"She thinks _you_ have a history of being a dumbass," says Raven, which seems like the right reading of that interaction. "Madi's cool. Smart, and she wants me to teach her about computers and stuff, so I like her."

"Nate and I just brought Smash Brothers over, she liked that but she was getting frustrated."

Bellamy perks up, turns his attention to Monty. "Yeah? That sounds promising."

"You want to beat a kid at video games to make her like you?" Murphy asks. "You'd be better off telling her to start fires."

"I'm not going to tell her to start fires. Or beat her at video games."

"Yeah, I'm not sure Bellamy can beat an incompetent fifth grader at Smash Brothers," Miller says. "Fighting games aren't exactly his forte."

"So that means Madi and I can work on it together," he says. "I've already got a Switch, I can pick up Smash Brothers, Mario Kart--we can do video games together. That can be our thing. You guys are too good at it."

"If you play video games, what are we supposed to do with her?" Miller grumbles. "Then we don't have a thing."

"Yeah, but Bellamy needs a thing way more than we do. We can just buy her stuff."

"And once she's good at video games, she can start playing with you guys. She practices on me until she's ready to get her revenge."

"Wouldn't that work better if you were good at video games?" Raven asks. "So you could teach her?"

"Or she'll be happy that we're both shitty. And I'm good at some video games." He finishes his drink. "This could work. Once I actually meet her."

"You're going to be fine," Monty says. "She's a good kid!"

"And everyone knows you and Clarke are you and Clarke," says Raven.

"Nice--" He makes a face. "I was going to say tautology, but that's not even a tautology, it's just the exact same thing."

She rolls her eyes at him. "Just saying, I get why you guys are taking it slow with everything, especially with Madi, but you're going to be fine."

As one of the involved parties, he can't have quite the faith in himself and Clarke that Raven does--he doesn't want to get cocky and fuck it up--but he does think it's largely true. His awkwardness around Madi is a consequence of timing, and in a year or two, he's pretty sure they're just going to be a functional family unit.

Which doesn't mean he can't screw it up in the meantime, so he's still going to be careful.

Clarke's had Madi for a month and a half when she says, "Should we start off with family dinner?"

"How did you start with everyone else?"

"Not with family dinner," she admits. "They just came over to meet her. But she knows you're different."

"Maybe I could cook for you guys," he muses. "Dinner and a movie, but at your place."

She laughs. "It's a little creepy that you're adapting date ideas into stuff to do with Madi."

"I'm good at cooking, it makes people like me. If she's eating your food--"

"I'm doing fine!" Clarke protests. "But yeah, that would probably be good. Cook something kid-friendly, hang out. No sleepover."

"I know."

"Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I know it's complicated right now. I wish we could spend more time together, but I get it. And it's not going to be like this forever."

"No." She leans in and kisses him, soft and sweet. "Okay, I have to go get her. Saturday, maybe? Come over in the afternoon?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Figure out what Madi wants to eat and text me. I'll go to the store and pick stuff up. Is there a dessert I can bribe her with?"

"You don't need to bribe her, she's going to love you." She pauses. "But it couldn't hurt. I'll see what she wants."

"You're the best. Let me know when you get home?"

"Will do."

He doesn't spend the next few days stressing about things, but he does spend the next few days planning. He buys Smash Brothers and plays it just long enough to confirm he's bad at it, buys a bunch of cupcake toppings and experiments with frosting to make sure he'll be good at it as a group activity, and then he calls his sister so she can tell him he's trying too hard.

"Definitely. This isn't an audition, Bell. And it's not your only chance. If you come on too strong, you'll probably just freak her out."

"Yeah, I know."

She hums, thoughtful. "My advice? Skip the cupcakes this time. Do a baking thing, like, next week. You've already got a ton of activities for this one, don't overload her."

"When did you get so good at this?"

"Ash's second birthday," she says, prompt. "I got over-competitive with some asshole mom from Mommy and Me because I wanted to throw the best party ever and I planned, like, fifteen more things than those kids could ever do. Or wanted to do. They burned out so hard. And it's not like you want to set expectations that high. You want to just be a normal part of her life, right? Not the magical guy who shows up once a week with a Mary Poppins bag full of shit."

"That's true, I should keep her expectations low."

"Just stop stressing, okay? Clarke loves you, her kid will put up with you no matter what, it's going to be fine."

"I want it to be good."

"It'll probably be good too. Seriously, just give it time."

"This is still the most mature advice you've ever given me."

"I'm actually a pretty kickass mom. And you were a pretty good big brother with too much responsibility, and Clarke's going to be a good foster parent. Just let it happen."

So Bellamy leaves his cupcake-decorating kit at home, goes to the store to pick up a pretty normal--albeit Madi-approved--dinner, and brings that and his switch over to Clarke's house on Saturday afternoon around three.

Clarke answers the door, leaning up to give him a kiss. "Hi. You look normal."

"Thanks, I think."

"I meant you're not obviously dying of stress."

"Should I be?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay, so--what does she know?"

"You're my boyfriend, but we were friends for a long time before we started dating. It's new but pretty serious, but I don't want her to feel pressured to take on too much family all at once. You're a dork who tries to hard, but it's because you care."

"That all sounds about right. I brought video games for us to play."

"Am I included in that us?"

"It's on Switch, so you can be if you want to be, yeah. Depends on how much of a family activity you're looking for."

"I'll supervise for now." She kisses him again. "She's going to love you, don't worry."

Madi is in the living room already, her attention fixed on a book in a way that makes Bellamy think she's not actually reading so much as avoiding looking at anything else. Not that he blames her, really; if he was Madi, he'd be trying and failing to play it cool too. That's the ten-year-old experience in a nutshell.

"Madi, this is my boyfriend, Bellamy."

"Hey," says Bellamy, offering her a smile. She puts her book aside and stands, offering her hand, formal and a little stiff. "Nice to finally meet you."

"You too."

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, it's just for school."

"Bellamy teaches high-school history," Clarke says. "So he always likes hearing about school stuff."

"And pretty much all books. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's actually pretty good. Especially for a school book."

"Cool. Well, if you want to keep reading, don't let me stop you. I can read too, I've got stuff on my phone."

"What did you want to do?" she asks, sounding a little wary.

"You met Nate and Monty, right? And played some video games?" She nods. "They beat me every time we play, so I'm trying to get better. Seriously," he adds, before she can say anything. "I like role-playing games and stuff, I'm good at those, but I never got the hang of fighting games. I just button-mash. So if you want to practice on someone on your level, that would be fun."

"He really does suck," Clarke puts in. "Even I beat him sometimes."

"And I really don't get Smash Brothers."

Madi's still frowning. "So, you want to learn how to be better at video games with me?"

He shrugs. "And get to know you, but--video games would be a fun way to do that, right?"

"Depends on how fun it is to play video games with you," she says, and that makes him smile.

"Yeah, fair enough. You want to find out?"

They start with Smash Brothers, which is a franchise he only vaguely understands. It's fun enough and he's played various versions with Miller over the years he's known him, but he also knows there's a lot of history he doesn't get.

"I don't even recognize half the characters," he admits to Madi. "Like, Marth. Where did Marth come from? What is it?"

"Fire Emblem," says Madi, to his surprise.

"What's Fire Emblem?"

"It's a tactical RPG series." She worries her lip. "I really _like_ video games? So I watch videos on YouTube and stuff, Let's Plays or whatever? But I've never had a game system of my own to play on, and it turns out I suck."

"You don't suck," says Clarke, sitting down on Madi's other side. "Miller and Monty are sharks. I think they have fans online who watch them play. Just because you didn't win playing against them your first time playing doesn't mean anything."

"We can definitely get better," Bellamy says. "Especially you. But is this what you want to get better at?"

Madi shoots him a look. If nothing else, she seems fairly comfortable talking to him. That's not nothing. "What do you mean?"

"Are there games you want to play more than Smash Brothers? Would you rather be doing Fire Emblem?"

"Smash Brothers is fine."

"I've got other stuff. Breath of the Wild is pretty cool. I'm worse at Mario Kart than I am at Smash Brothers but it's fun to play with Clarke, she's so bad."

"Shut up," says Clarke, without heat.

"Breath of the Wild looked cool, but I like Smash too. I want to unlock more characters."

He lets it go at that, and they spend an enjoyable afternoon playing together. Clarke gets in on it sometimes, but she also wanders off to do other things, leaving the two of them alone to get to know each other. Bellamy already knows the bones of Madi's life from Clarke--parents died when she was young, sent to her grandmother and then into foster care when her grandmother couldn't take care of her anymore--but it's different hearing it from her, and sharing his own past with her in return.

It feels like it's going well.

Over dinner, he asks, "So, what are your favorite games that you watch online? Or as Let's Plays?"

She mulls it over. "I like watching people play Overwatch, but I don't think I want to play it? Skyrim's cool, and Fallout. I don't know if I have a favorite."

"Any you wish you could play? Or the ones you wish you could play most."

Another pause. "Kingdom Hearts," she decides.

"Is that the Disney one?" he asks.

Clarke holds up her hand. "The what?"

"It's the Disney one, yeah. Square Enix," she says, turning her attention to Clarke. "That's a big gaming company. They decided to make a game with Disney, and it's really fun. They have new characters too but they're going between different Disney worlds. So you get to play in a bunch of movies.

"Have you played that one?" Clarke asks him.

"No, but I've heard of it. It's on Playstation, right?"

"Yeah, and it's kind of like Smash Brothers too because it's got characters from other games too. The third game in the main series is supposed to be coming out soon after, like--a really long time. I think the second one came out before I was born? But there are a lot of spin-offs too, so it's not like there's been _nothing_."

"I've got a PS4 too," Bellamy muses. "I could probably get Kingdom Hearts, right?"

"You don't have to," Madi says quickly. "I didn't mean--"

"I'll see how much it is. It sounds fun, and I've always been kind of curious about it. You could play and I could watch and try to help you figure out what to do."

He can see her struggling with what to say, the urge to minimize her own wants at war with how much she does want it. Bellamy's not rich or anything, but he's more than financially stable enough to buy a video game, especially one his girlfriend's foster kid will like. He's impulse-bought games for way worse reasons.

"If you want to," she finally says, and he smiles.

"I'll see what I can do."

Clarke washes the dishes while he and Madi play a couple more rounds of Smash, and then they watch a movie. Madi makes it to the end, but just barely, and Clarke sends her to bed after that.

"It went okay, right?" he murmurs into her hair. He'll have to go home sooner or later, but he's opting for as much later as he can manage. "I didn't push too hard or anything."

"I don't think so. Are you getting the game?"

"Yeah. I might ask Monty and Miller if they have any old game systems she can have too. If you're good with that."

"Yeah, that would be great. I wish I'd thought of it."

"Did she know she liked games so much before?"

She shakes her head, smiling a little. "No, that was new. She must really like you," she teases.

He kisses her hair, settles in closer. "I hope so."

He spends the next morning lost in the incredibly confusing tangle of Kingdom Hearts wikipedia pages and comes to the conclusion that if he can get Madi a PS3, she should at least be able to experience Kingdom Hearts I and II, if not all of the confusingly named and numbered side games.

"Probably," says Miller. "Honestly, Kingdom Hearts is so weird, I assume there's a spin-off you can only play on the back of Japanese cereal boxes."

Based on his morning reading, Bellamy would believe that. "So do you have an old PS3 you're not using?"

"You know can get them on PS4 too," he points out. "You don't need to get an older system to experience them as they were meant to be experienced."

"Not for me, for Madi. Apparently that's the number-one game she wants to play, and if I go out and buy her a PS4, that's definitely trying too hard."

"Yeah, definitely. Does it have to be a PS3?"

"Not if you have something else that can play it instead, I guess. Don't tell me you guys have an extra PS4."

"No,but I think we have some old PS2s. I think Monty might even have Kingdom Hearts around. We can take a look, make sure everything's working, but as long as it is, Madi's welcome to it." He pauses. "Do you get credit for being the cool boyfriend if we're the ones doing all the work?"

"I'm coordinating," he says. "And I'm going to help her."

"With what? You've never played Kingdom Hearts."

"It's an RPG, I'm good at RPGs." He pauses. "And I was going to buy it and play it on my own so if she has questions I can answer them."

Miller eyes him. "You probably don't need to work this hard, you know? She's a good kid, you're a good guy, you're going to be fine."

"I know." He shrugs. "I'm not an expert or anything, but I remember after my mom died, I always felt like an after-thought to people. Especially adults. So I want Madi to feel like she's our top priority. Put in the effort for her. In a non-creepy, not trying too hard way," he adds. "So asking my friend if he's got an old game system she can use seems fine."

"Yeah, that's pretty normal. Downloading the game so you can be her guru is--" He pauses. "Actually, yeah, that's cute. You're going to be a great dad. Or whatever else you and Clarke end up calling it."

"That's the plan," he says. "Thanks for helping out."

He shrugs. "What can I say? You need to work a lot harder to be cool than I do."

According to Monty, the Playstation 2 is fully functional and the Kingdom Hearts games work as well on it as they ever have. Then he gives Bellamy a long list of tips and a rant about the game's lore, so he definitely has a resource of his own to go to if he can't figure it out without Madi.

But Clarke doesn't see it that way. "I really don't think you should play on your own."

"No?"

"I get the impulse, and it's cute, but the internet exists and is right there. If she can't figure something out, you guys can work on it together and google it if you have to. But if you're playing on your own, there's no reason for you to play with her, right? If you've never played, you're discovering it together."

He smiles. "That does sound good. Do you think I'm working too hard at this?"

"No. I think you care about it, so you want to do it right. That's good."

"Here's hoping Madi thinks so too."

"I think she will, yeah. She's still kind of--it's a lot for her, I think? Having so many people who are working really hard to make her like them. She's not used to people caring about her opinion so much."

"Local thirty-somethings very invested in ten-year-old's opinion," he says, making her laugh.

"Pretty much. But we had a talk about how long I've been waiting for a foster kid and how much I want one, and how supportive all you guys are, and I think she gets that she's a big deal for us. Even if that's weird."

"Does she know I want to be a part of the family some day?" he asks, which is, admittedly, something of a roundabout way of asking if _Clarke_ gets that, too. In case he hasn't made it clear enough.

"Honestly, I think she doesn't get why you're not a part of the family already. I said you'd probably be coming by once a week and she was like, that doesn't seem like a lot."

"It really doesn't."

Clarke bites the corner of her mouth. "What happened to slow and careful?"

"Maybe we can focus on careful, but not slow. If I want to play Kingdom Hearts with her, it would kind of suck if I was just around once a week, right?"

"It would." She leans up to kiss him. "I could see you more."

"Yeah, I thought maybe you could."

While Clarke goes to pick Madi up from her social worker's appointment, Bellamy gets the old Playstation set up and makes sure the game is working as promised, fools around with it just long enough to make sure everything's in working order before making himself stop and focus on anything else. 

It's a nice surprise and she's going to like it. He did good here.

"Hey, Bellamy," she says, when she gets in. It's their fourth time meeting, and he's looking forward to the day when that's something he stops being able to count on one hand. "Are you not coming on Saturday anymore?"

"Clarke and I thought I could start coming more than once a week," he says. "If you're good with that. Plus, I've got something for you." 

She looks surprised, but pleased. "What?"

"I told you Monty and Miller have a ton of games, right? I thought they might have some old ones they didn't want, too. And when I asked about Kingdom Hearts, they said they had a Playstation 2 and an old copy of the game you can have. So--" He falters, voice melting away and leaving only what feels like a very sheepish smile. "It sounded pretty fun when you talked about it, so I thought maybe you could show me."

Her own smile blossoms like springtime, warm and bright. "Really?"

"Yeah. I got it hooked up and checked to make sure it worked, so you should be all set."

"Thank you," she says, voice soft and genuine. "This is--I'm really excited."

"Me too," he says. "Let's boot it up."

She finishes the first game and is a week into the second when she says, "You have a PS4, right?"

"At home, gathering dust, yeah. I figured I'd bring it over soon. Why?"

"Because once I'm done with this one, I'm going to want to play Kingdom Hearts III, and that's on PS4. So it would be a lot easier if you were just already here already. You and the PS4. Like--all the time."

"Are you asking me to move in for Clarke?" he asks, unable to keep a grin off his face.

"Well, she's not doing it, so _someone_ has to."

"I guess when you put it like that," he says. "And I wouldn't want to miss out on Kingdom Hearts III."

She settles against his side, smiling like she won some great victory instead of asking him to do exactly what he's been wanting to do basically since the second he and Clarke started dating. "I thought not. It's going to be really fun."

"Yeah," he says. "I bet it is."


End file.
